Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas. I also hope that Santa brought a lot of great presents! But let's not forget that Christmas is about the Gift that God gave us in the form of his own son. And now that Christmas is over, is everyone else as sad about taking down their trees as I am? I would leave them all up all year! I keep procrastinating because I don't want to take them down yet. It's such a sad event. 

But now, the new year is coming and now is the time for resolutions. I feel like I was just making a resolution for 2012, but it's already over. Honestly, I couldn't be happier that this year is over. 2012 wasn't all bad, but it wasn't as great as I thought it would be. 2012 was supposed to be my year, but now I'm thinking that no one actually has years. You might have a great day or a week or maybe even a month, but you can never have a great year. I do, in fact, believe that I kept last years resolution. I have learned not to take things so seriously and also to have fun more that anything else. This year I've decided to do something different. Instead of just coming up with one resolution, I came up with 13. Some are kind of common sense, but it can't hurt to remind myself. So here is my list of resolutions for 2013.

13 Resolutions for 2013

1.      Cherish your real friends. Realize that you have eight of them and make sure that they know how much they mean to you.

2.     Don’t dwell on the past. It’s okay to have memories, but try to think about the bad things less. Remember all the god time you had with the people who mean the most to you and forget the bad times you had with the people who don’t mean anything anymore.

3.    Make more memories. It doesn’t matter what you do, but have fun doing it. Make sure to make memories with the people who matter most. Do things that you’ll never want to forget.

4.    Dress up. Dress down. Be the way you want to be, because it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about you. Make sure to remember that you are beautiful person. Inside and out. Love who you are because you’re great and you don’t need anyone else to tell you that.

5.     Read more. Get a book journal so you can remember all of the stories that you love so much. Don’t wish for a love like Ky and Cassia, and don’t wish for a friendship like Jace and Alec. You shouldn’t model your life after a story someone wrote, but you should appreciate the story either way. Read more and create your very own library.

6.    Make better study habits. Keep your grades as high as your standards. Make sure to study before every test, read the whole chapter instead of just the bold words, and ace every test and assignment. Be a scholastic force.

7.    Spend more time with your family. Remember that you wouldn’t be here without them. Remember that they do love you, even if they have a hard time showing it. Sometimes you’ll just want them to go away and leave you alone, but remember that they need you as much as you need them. Spend the night with your cousins and go to Cracker Barrel with you Mawmaw.

8.     Grow up. Become more mature than you were last year. Be smarter with your decisions. Be smarter when it comes to anything that could harm you.

9.    Get healthy. Go for walks, eat healthier, and drink less Mtn. Dew. You owe it to yourself to take care of your body the way it takes care of you.

10.    Keep yourself clean in every way. Don’t do drugs and shower regularly. Keep your room clean. Remember that your roommate wants you to keep your side of the room clean. Also, never wear dirty clothes or let your hair be greasy. Don’t shame yourself.

11.     Don’t take life too seriously. When someone is making fun of you (because you know they will) laugh with them. Laugh more than you cry. Don’t get so upset when things don’t go the way you plan. Make sure that at least one thing goes with way you want it to, if not for you - for your future.

12.    Fall in love. Real love. Find someone who makes you as happy as you want to make them. Don’t ever settle for anything less than butterflies. Find a guy who never lets you feel like you’re inferior and never makes himself seem superior. Make sure you don’t take him for granted. “Maybe you should learn to love him like you want to be loved.”

13.  Make 2013 your year. You’re going to graduate and go off to college. Leave a lasting impression on high school and make an entrance at university. 2013 can be your best year yet as long as you let it. Remember to let yourself have fun this year. It’s going to be great!

Some of these may be hard to keep, but I'm determined to have a good year. So this year is

going to start off right. I'm going to spend New Years Eve with my best friends! Who will

you spend New Years Eve with?

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope 2013 is the best year yet!

Shine On!

"No matter how strong a person is, there will always be someone out there who makes them weak." Maybe we don't know who that person is. Maybe we do. Maybe it's a good kind of weak. Maybe it's a bad kind of weak. The point is: only you can know. You control your own happiness. I ask myself, "Why did this happen to me?" It's because I let it happen. I let myself get hurt the same way I let myself be happy before. The hard part is remembering what made you happy before. But really, that's all you have to do. You don't have to forget the person who you let hurt you, but remember the good things that happened to you before and during the relationship. Dwelling on the relationship as a whole will just bring you sadness, but remembering happiness can bring happiness. Don't ever try to forget someone who hurt you; learn from them. Tell yourself that you will never put yourself through that again. Focus on your future. Remember that you deserve a future. That person will probably always hold a special place in your heart, but that's okay. They obviously earned the spot they have and it's okay for them to stay there. It's harder to erase someone than it is to just move on. So that's what I'll do. I'll move on. Every time I'm tempted to go back, I'll just remember why it didn't work out in the first place. I'll remind myself that I'm better without him. Not necessarily better alone, but better without him. One day I'll find a real guy. Not a fake one. And that's what every girl deserves. We all deserve a guy who will love us with everything they have. A guy who won't even look at another girl because he already has all he could want. A guy who wouldn't care about your past as long as he had your future. A guy who would never judge you. And I'm not just saying that girls deserve it, but guys deserve great girls, too. I guess I'm just saying that I think everyone has a person who's right for them, and everyone deserves to find that person. No one should ever settle for anything less than butterflies.

I won't go back because he was wrong for me. But if you know that you have the right one, don't let them go. They need you as much as you need them.

I guess that's my inspiration for the day. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ollieLK_TXo

Stay with me. Baby, stay with me.

Even though these are a bit depressing, I had to vent to someone. Even if it's technically no one, right? Enjoy.

http://youtu.be/F7RbBB-lT5o

http://youtu.be/4Emqsn_hu40

Sorry to be so depressing...

We accept the love we think we deserve, right? I think I deserve him. He's all I can think about. Honestly, I did so good at not texting him, just to end up doing it. I miss him, and as much as he says it won't work, I was sure it would. I just wish I could tell him that. But I don't want to seem all desperate and stuff. I want -- no, need -- him to know how much I love and miss him. I don't want to have to answer more questions than I already have to. I'm tired of my mom coming to check on me all the time. I just want the life I used to have. I miss that. Why did Sophomore year have to end. That year was the best, and I'd give anything to get back there.

 I miss you, Ryan.

Take a Walk?

I think I'll take a walk; try to clear my head while I still have a head to clear. Sometimes I think I'm going to implode. Ya know, people aren't disposable. You can't just have them when it's convenient and then throw them away when you're done. We're not trash. I don't know what else to say about that, but it's kind of self explanatory. How hard is it to treat someone the way that you would want to be treated? When I was in the second grade, Mrs. Cupp made the whole class recite the Golden Rule right after the Pledge of Allegiance each morning. I don't think that I've got the balls to treat someone like they mean nothing. Especially not someone I "love".But love obviously doesn't mean anything anymore.

L-O-V-E. Four letter word meant to show someone how much they mean to you. Now it means absolutely nothing... What is wrong with our generation? We act like love comes when a really hot guy says hey to you. We also act like it happens over night. Well, it doesn't. It takes a long time to realize that you're in love with someone and an even longer time to realize what that means. So why do we act like it's nothing? I look at my parents and see that they weren't in love at all. But now when I see my mom with her husband, I realize what love is supposed to look like. You're supposed to have conversations, tolerate the others favorite tv shows, support each others dreams.

I see now that this is the reason that my relationship had to end. At first I thought I could change and so could he. I thought we had changed. But now I see that we shouldn't have to change. We should have learned to accept the other's differences. I mean, how hard is that? I think I could have learned to accept his goals, but I feel like he never could have accepted mine. We had already talked about what he wanted to do with his life and I had told him that I thought it was a great plan. But I guess he didn't think I meant it. But it's okay because now we can both move on to bigger and better futures. Maybe we were just holding each other back. Maybe this is actually a good thing. Just because something hurts doesn't mean it's wrong. 

I think my biggest problem is the fact that I can't talk about it with other people. I can't confront the way I feel about things. I just keep it to myself and one day it's going to kill me. The worst part is that my parents ask me about him all the time! I don't have the courage to tell them that we broke up. I don't know how to tell them to cancel the plans we made for him or anything. I don't know what to say! I'm scared to tell them because I'm afraid of what they'll say. "Wow, Kris. You screwed up again, huh?" Or my dad, "Guess you weren't good enough, were ya?"I can't take it. And I really can't take the pity looks or the, "I'm so sorry. I know how much you loved him?" I don't really feel sad about any of this. I guess I'm more mad at myself for letting this happen. This is the reason I never wanted to get serious about anyone before. Now I've spent two years with someone who ended up changing his mind about me. But, there's nothing I can do about it now, right? Nothing but get over it and focus on my school work. And try to think about other things.

I promise, I'l try not to post any more depressing blogs.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.

So, we're all well aware that I've been having boyfriend issues lately. So here's another one. Why is he such an asshole?! A few months ago, he would text me every three seconds. It would make me so mad! I've told him so many times that sometimes I just get busy and I can't text. But recently, it's him. He's the one who won't text back. He'll start a conversation and then just stop in the middle of it. He won't text for hours, so I'll text and say something like, "Goodnight." But then he'll text back saying he was "busy." If he was busy, wouldn't he text me as soon as he was finished with whatever he was doing? He's reminding me of one of my old friends so much! Maybe they should be together! I mean, I understand that he's at training, but you can always just say that you have to go. I've changed. I say when I have to go now.

I think that the only reason this bothers me is I really don't trust him. And I know that sounds awful, but really! When has he ever showed me that I could trust him. Every time I've ever told him a secret, he's told someone. Every time I mess up, he tells his parents. And both times we've gotten in a fight and broke up, he's hoked up with someone else to make me jealous. Who does that?! I would love to be able to trust him, but I'm tired of lying to myself. He always tell me that trust is a big issue in our relationship, but it's because I can't trust him. And even though I've never done anything to lose his trust, he's never trusted me. Ever. I just don't understand him!

Also, he says communication is a big problem that we have... HE WON'T TEXT ME!!! Of course communication is a problem! I can't tell him anything without being laughed at or judged, so why do I even want to talk to him so bad? Why am I so desperate to see him in 13 days if he won't even talk to me? Why should I even want to talk to him after hurting me so bad? What the hell is wrong with me? 

How is it fair that I'm supposed to just forget every time that he does something to hurt me, but when I mess up once he holds it over my head. Like he has to remind me of how much I screwed up! But really, he screwed up more than I did. So why do I have to be reminded of it all the time when I try to let him forget? Ugh, I don't understand this kid at all. 

I guess the real question is: does he actually love me, or is this just an abandonment issue? I have my opinion. . . But I'll keep that to myself. 

If you love someone, tell them how you feel.

Three words. Eight letters. Possibly the hardest phrase you will ever utter. Once they are said, they cannot be unsaid. They've been put out there, all you can do is continue to show that special person your love. Once it's felt, it cannot be unfelt. The feeling of true love is the one in which we all desire. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to know the feeling of being loved by the one person who you love in return. It's a feeling like no other. Trust me; I know. 

Some say distance makes the heart grow fonder. Well, to the ones who say so: Why do you say so? My "boyfriend" has been away from me for three and a half months, and I can't help but feel that he hates me. At first, he wrote letters. The first time I got a letter from him... Wow. My step dad came upstairs and held it out in front of him to show me a prize that I had won. I screamed so loud, my ears rang for days. I was so excited for that one letter. Then, he texted me! I got the text at school. I grabbed my best friend and showed her a text that only said "hey" from a strange number. But... we knew it was him. She was so excited for me that she jumped in a circle with me. In the middle of the school hall! Now... Texts don't come so much. And when they do, they're vague. What did I do? He asked me to wait, so I waited. He asked me to make him the promise of forever, so I promised. I tried to change for him, but I'm too me to be someone else. I can't help that, though! He says that we'll be fixed when he comes home, but we won't.

I'm too insecure, I get it. I'm shy, scared, and awkward. I can't do anything about that. He expects me to be the bravest of warriors, but I'm afraid to go into battle. I think that I'm ugly and fat and I'll always compare myself to other girls. I'll always feel like I'm competing with everyone around me. He thinks that he can change that. He can't.

He can't give me a straight answer. He doesn't think that I deserve a conversation. At least, he acts like I deserve nothing of the sort. He acts like the past three months have not been the most miserable of my entire life. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but it's true. 

All I ask for is a simple answer. Is it that hard to say? I've worked so hard to be the girl that he wants, so why don't I deserve a simple answer. Why should I just take being treated like this if I know that I don't deserve it? Why should I need to ask who this girl is and what she means? Why should she even exist? Shouldn't I be the one who gets the thoughts I crave? I just want the one that I think about, to think about me. I know I seem like a heartless, soulless person - or should I say "Raging Bitch?" - but I do have feelings. They get hurt just as easily as everyone else's. And they're hurt pretty badly right now. Sometimes he acts like I'm the most important person out there. Other times, I don't even exist. 

"The greatest pleasure in life if to love, and be loved in return." The person who said this was right. It is a pleasure. But every pleasure has a downfall. Cake makes you fat, books end. And boyfriends change their minds about you. I understand that his mind may or may not have changed about me. But my mind hasn't changed. I've waited. I've cried. I've planned. But I did not expect this to happen. Maybe he is right. Maybe we will fix us. But maybe we won't. But even if we can't fix our relationship, we deserve answers. Truthful, real answers.

Three words, eight letters. I can think of three combinations. Two good; one bad. 

I love you

I miss you

I hate you

So what's it going to be? I know how I feel. But How does he feel? Maybe he'll read this, maybe he won't. Either way, I hope he makes up his mind soon. I've never been good at guessing games. 

*Ryan: Love is only a four letter word. If you love me, tell me. Give me a real answer when I ask you questions. If you don't love me, I deserve to know. I'll understand if you've changed your mind about me. I wouldn't have given me this long. Just be real with me. Don't play me. I've supported you, and loved you, and been totally here for you just like you asked. I at least deserve a real conversation with you. Not the vague messages I've been getting. Remember that when you read this. Forever and always? I've lived this last three months thinking of that promise. Just, remember that.

Hakuna Matata

What a wonderful phrase. But not for a senior class motto. Vinemont High seniors, think about the kids that will walk the halls of our school in five years. Even ten years! Think about the way we look at all of the pictures of the past graduates and laugh at the way they're dressed. One day, kids are going to laugh at us like that. Not only because of the way our hair looks, but because our motto will be from The Lion King. How immature can we look? Why would we want to get made fun of in the future? Twenty years from now, we're going to look back on "the glory days" and wonder why we were so dumb. We're going to wonder, what were we thinking? And really, what are we thinking? Hakuna Matata? We all know that it means no worries for the rest of your days, but Simba did have a few problems. When he grew up he had to go fight scar to reclaim his position as King of the Pridelands. What is we have to fight our uncles one day and we realize what a dumb idea it was to make our senior class motto Hakuna Matata.

But if the motto does end up being Hakuna Matata, we'll all be fine. We're still going to graduate from high school. High school is either the best or the worst time of our life, so really... the class motto isn't the biggest issue. If you're like me, you're biggest issue is graduating and getting as far away from that school as possible. While it may seem like high school isn't very important now, it really determines our whole future. The way you perform in high school determines what colleges will take you, and the college you go to helps you with the career you want. So for those of you who are like me and absolutely hate high school, just remember to work hard and do your best anyway. It'll pay off in the end. And if we're lucky, we'll have no worries in life. On second thought, maybe Hakuna Matata should be our class motto. Nah!

So, this one is definitely not going on facebook. People will judge me if they read this. So to my readers, or Aljon, you don't have to read this. Honestly, the only reason I thought about writing it is I'm watching Sex and the City. For some reason, watching old single women trying to find love makes me miss mine. Not that I don't constantly miss Ryan, but watching this show makes me miss him so much more. You never really know how much you love someone until they're gone. And the sad part is: he isn't even gone! He's at basic training, which means that he's going to come home. So why am I so upset about the distance if I know that he's coming home in a few weeks? Is it honest love, or just the need to not be alone?

I love him. I do. I love the way he makes me feel. You know the feeling of absolute happiness? Like, the world is spinning just to make you happy. Ryan can make you feel like that with just one look. I've been asked by more than one person, "Why Ryan?" Well, they wouldn't have asked that if they knew the feeling that he can give. I don't have the words to describe him. Ryan... That's what I'll call it! The Ryan Feeling. How many guys will let you come over right after work, and just let you go to sleep? I can't think of any. It's the little things that make me so happy. I think that the secret to making any girl happy is the little things. The little things like sitting with her while she paints her toenails, or kissing where it hurts. The small but sweet notions that make the relationship so great.

I miss the boy. Plain and simple. I love him and I just straight up miss him. Honestly, I would probably miss Mtn. Dew more. Actually, I shouldn't say "more." I miss them both, just differently. I miss Ryan for the feeling of his presence, for the conversation. For him. I miss Mtn. Dew just because I'm addicted to the stuff. I'm not addicted to Ryan, but I will never let him go anywhere else. He'll never be farther than 100 miles away from me again. Have you ever just felt so attached to someone that you just knew you'd never be able to be away from them? I feel like that...

I worry that I've taken him for granted. I feel like I might have made him question me. I don't like this feeling. I have a few things about myself that I should change. I don't mean the things like clean more, or eat healthier. That stuff sucks. I'm talking about the things like be more grateful. You know? Respect him more. Love him more. I can't help but wonder, will I still feel this way when he comes home?

Or is this a tale as old as time?

To Ryan, if you ever read this... I miss you. And I can't wait to see you again. I love you. <3

The Summer We'll Never Forget.

Today's date is August 5, 2012. It's been exactly two months since I've blogged. So let me tell you about the best and worst summer of my life.


I went to Norway on June 19th. I hated the plane ride! On all of the planes, I thought I was going to throw up. I don't see how people can travel so much. We landed in Denmark, and had to run to get to our connecting flight. We had about fifteen minutes to get from our arrival terminal to our departure terminal, and we had to go through security and passport check. We ran ALL the was around the airport. And all the signs were in Danish... 
Landing in Norway was absolutely awesome! It was so great to see Celine standing there, waiting for us to spend our vacation with her. She and her sister, Frida, were holding a big, green sign that read, "REDNECKS THIS WAY!" 
We did so many things in Norway. Everyday was an adventure. :D 


First, we went to Frida's handball practice. 

Then we went to Celine's graduation.

And then we went to her friends house for a graduation party!
The next day, her friends came to her house for a cookout.
After that we spent three days at her family's vacation home on the ocean.

There, we went on a boat trip.

We went to a viking monument (big, white rock).

We went on a hike to Jettegryte.

And we went to the little town there.

Then we went to Oslo, where we shopped. A lot. :)

We, visited the Opera House.

And we saw the castle! Well, from a distance.

We also went to a viking museum.

Norway is an AMAZING country, and I really hope I can go back. I learned so much. Now I can make my own pizza! Going to Norway was probably the best vacation I'll ever take. I'd love to do it again. <3

The day after Ben, Celine, and I came home, My family went to Panama City. Celine and I were so tired! My plane landed after 10:00 PM, we went home and slept for a while, then woke up at 3:00 AM to go to the beach! We had a lot of fun with my mom and sister. :)

After PC, we stayed around Cullman. We hung out with our friends, watched movies, tanned, and ate mexican food until we were sick!

Then, we went back to the beach. Fort Morgan!

Where we shopped some more...

Played in the sand!

And tanned like it was nobody's business.

Earlier, I said we hung out with friends. We most definitely did. :)

Shelby.

Nerds.

Asians.

Kylie.

Brandi.

This summer has been the absolute best of my life. We've all done so much together. :) I went to Norway, PCB, and Fort Morgan. I've shopped more than I ever have! I've watched The Amazing Spiderman, Ted, Magic Mike, Step Up Revolution, and The Dark Night Rises (all amazing!). I got contacts!!! And I tried to give blood... I failed at that.

The only bad part of this summer is that I couldn't spend it with Ryan. He's at basic training in South Carolina. We've written letters to each other for a few weeks, but it's not the same. He's doing really good there, and I'm really happy for him. I miss him. A lot. But I'll see him in a few more months. And that day will be worth the five months apart. :) I love you, Ryan. <3

Now school's about to start back. I've already done school clean-up day! Tomorrow I have to be there early to paint the parking lot, and Tuesday I have to get my locker and parking spot. I'm excited about being a senior! This will be the best year ever!! So to all the graduates of 2012, good luck in college and I hope you make your future great! And to the class of 2013, I hope you make this year your best yet! Good luck to all of us! :)

I hope everyone's summer has been as awesome as mine! :D

Dazed and confused.

So. . . Today is June 5, 2012. I've completed my junior year at Vinemont High School. I guess that's not really the greatest accomplishment, but it'll do for now. In fourteen days, exactly two weeks from today, I'll be getting on a plane headed to Norway. I'm extremely excited for my two week vacation in a new country. I can't wait to see my sister, it's been so long since I've seen her. I'm excited to meet her friends and see her family again. I've never been on an airplane before, so I'm a little bit scared. We have a lot of things planned for our time over seas... hiking, a trip to the ocean, shopping, a concert, and some other things. Being in Norway will be amazing.


But I can't stop thinking about the fact that when I leave on June 19th, I won't see Ryan again until November. I'm gonna miss him so much. Five months is a really long time to be away from the guy that you love. Am I supposed to just sit around until my birthday, without him? I've got friends to hang out with, and I'm determined to make my senior year AWESOME! I'm gonna miss him, more than I think I would miss a family member; but someone once said, "Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing." Do you think that five months apart could bring a couple closer together, or will it just separate the couple indefinitely? I believe in space and time apart, but how do you know when you've spent too much time apart? I guess the real question is: how do you know if true love fails?

Feeling creative??

I'm not but I know I haven't blogged in a while. So would you like a song recommendation? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oTTooOqugk

Miles by Christina Perri. This has been in my head all day. :)

What about a book recommendation? 

Identical by Ellen Hopkins. I bought this a few weeks ago. I started it yesterday around 5:00. I'm more than halfway through it now, and it's amazing. I really get into Ellen Hopkins' books. I love them. :)

The past: it's great but you have to let go.

So 2010 and 2011 were great years. Celine came to live with me in July, Ryan asked me to be his girlfriend in September, I turned sixteen in November, it snowed in January, February..., Spring break at the beach, and so many more great things happened that I honestly can't remember. There were also some bad things that happened... I wrecked my car (twice), I got a speeding ticket, Ryan and I broke up (we got back together, of course), and I was forced to find out who my true friends are (the hard way). But, isn't it better to just let the past go. Don't try to relive the good parts and stop wishing they were still happening, but keep them as a memory. Stop getting mad over everything bad that happened and just live your life they way you want to. I have new memories to make and I'm tired of not making them because I'm too busy living in the past. If you can't get the past to come back, let it go. I have mistakes to make, so I should just make them and stop worrying about the mistakes I've already made. There are times that I want to make owl jokes, and scream the lyrics to "Forget You" by Cee Lo Green, but I should be making new jokes and screaming different songs. I need to realize that my sister went home, and one of my old best friends is now someone who I wouldn't even bother looking at in Wal-Mart. I also need to realize that the friends I have are the most amazing people in the world. Ryan, Kylie, Aljon, Xandralyn, Shelby, Celine and Ben are probably the best friends anyone could ask for, and I plan on making new memories with all of them included. I can't wait to go to Norway this summer, but I also can't wait to make memories here. 2012 is gonna be just as great, if not greater,  than 2010 and 2011. :)

*Inspired by the last blog post from Celine. I liked it a lot.