So, this one is definitely not going on facebook. People will judge me if they read this. So to my readers, or Aljon, you don't have to read this. Honestly, the only reason I thought about writing it is I'm watching Sex and the City. For some reason, watching old single women trying to find love makes me miss mine. Not that I don't constantly miss Ryan, but watching this show makes me miss him so much more. You never really know how much you love someone until they're gone. And the sad part is: he isn't even gone! He's at basic training, which means that he's going to come home. So why am I so upset about the distance if I know that he's coming home in a few weeks? Is it honest love, or just the need to not be alone?

I love him. I do. I love the way he makes me feel. You know the feeling of absolute happiness? Like, the world is spinning just to make you happy. Ryan can make you feel like that with just one look. I've been asked by more than one person, "Why Ryan?" Well, they wouldn't have asked that if they knew the feeling that he can give. I don't have the words to describe him. Ryan... That's what I'll call it! The Ryan Feeling. How many guys will let you come over right after work, and just let you go to sleep? I can't think of any. It's the little things that make me so happy. I think that the secret to making any girl happy is the little things. The little things like sitting with her while she paints her toenails, or kissing where it hurts. The small but sweet notions that make the relationship so great.

I miss the boy. Plain and simple. I love him and I just straight up miss him. Honestly, I would probably miss Mtn. Dew more. Actually, I shouldn't say "more." I miss them both, just differently. I miss Ryan for the feeling of his presence, for the conversation. For him. I miss Mtn. Dew just because I'm addicted to the stuff. I'm not addicted to Ryan, but I will never let him go anywhere else. He'll never be farther than 100 miles away from me again. Have you ever just felt so attached to someone that you just knew you'd never be able to be away from them? I feel like that...

I worry that I've taken him for granted. I feel like I might have made him question me. I don't like this feeling. I have a few things about myself that I should change. I don't mean the things like clean more, or eat healthier. That stuff sucks. I'm talking about the things like be more grateful. You know? Respect him more. Love him more. I can't help but wonder, will I still feel this way when he comes home?

Or is this a tale as old as time?

To Ryan, if you ever read this... I miss you. And I can't wait to see you again. I love you. <3