He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.

So, we're all well aware that I've been having boyfriend issues lately. So here's another one. Why is he such an asshole?! A few months ago, he would text me every three seconds. It would make me so mad! I've told him so many times that sometimes I just get busy and I can't text. But recently, it's him. He's the one who won't text back. He'll start a conversation and then just stop in the middle of it. He won't text for hours, so I'll text and say something like, "Goodnight." But then he'll text back saying he was "busy." If he was busy, wouldn't he text me as soon as he was finished with whatever he was doing? He's reminding me of one of my old friends so much! Maybe they should be together! I mean, I understand that he's at training, but you can always just say that you have to go. I've changed. I say when I have to go now.

I think that the only reason this bothers me is I really don't trust him. And I know that sounds awful, but really! When has he ever showed me that I could trust him. Every time I've ever told him a secret, he's told someone. Every time I mess up, he tells his parents. And both times we've gotten in a fight and broke up, he's hoked up with someone else to make me jealous. Who does that?! I would love to be able to trust him, but I'm tired of lying to myself. He always tell me that trust is a big issue in our relationship, but it's because I can't trust him. And even though I've never done anything to lose his trust, he's never trusted me. Ever. I just don't understand him!

Also, he says communication is a big problem that we have... HE WON'T TEXT ME!!! Of course communication is a problem! I can't tell him anything without being laughed at or judged, so why do I even want to talk to him so bad? Why am I so desperate to see him in 13 days if he won't even talk to me? Why should I even want to talk to him after hurting me so bad? What the hell is wrong with me? 

How is it fair that I'm supposed to just forget every time that he does something to hurt me, but when I mess up once he holds it over my head. Like he has to remind me of how much I screwed up! But really, he screwed up more than I did. So why do I have to be reminded of it all the time when I try to let him forget? Ugh, I don't understand this kid at all. 

I guess the real question is: does he actually love me, or is this just an abandonment issue? I have my opinion. . . But I'll keep that to myself.