Just Another Rant.

It's okay if no one reads this. No one reads this blog anyway. Well... I'm continuing to screw myself up. I ranted for so long about how I was never going to talk to a certain someone again. But then he texts me and I meet him and I miss him. And because of those things, I meet him again. What is wrong with me? I mean the boy hurt me. Like, really hurt me. And I just all of the sudden forget that anything happened?

Does everyone of the female variety have these same problems? I have to wonder if I am the only girl who really wants to become friends with the boy who broke my heart. Does anyone ever forget their first love like they say they will? Another question: Do girls ever believe what their ex says when he texts them six months after their break up? Am I supposed to believe anything he says? I trusted him for so long and it all got thrown in my face. Am I supposed to forget about that?

I'm more confused now than I was when we were actually together. Just think if we actually did get back together. I've worked really hard to change the way I act toward people. I feel like I used to be the worst girlfriend ever and then we broke up and then I changed. And what if I turn back into that person?!

He says we have to work on being friends first. I totally get that and he's right. We would definitely have to be friends. Problem: My friends and family don't like him, and I'm pretty sure his hate me, too. And I know that shouldn't bother me, but I don't want to disappoint anyone. I've sworn off of him, and now he's back.

So... Imaginary blog readers. Am I crazy, or am I just turning this into a bigger deal than it has to be? Am I paranoid? Stupid? Or am I, by any chance, right in saying that getting back together is a bad idea? Or is it a great idea because I miss him? Every time I see a boy my automatic reaction is to compare them to my ex. I can't find anyone who I think I'd rather be with. So maybe... It will all be okay? I hope so.

*Small not to the guy this is about: Sorry if you think I'm crazy. And I'm sorry if this makes you mad. It's not intended to make you angry. Even though I can't understand everything I'm thinking, I do want to be friends. I think that is a good idea, even if it was yours. (that was a joke, by the way.)